Dear Dr. Ava
Q & A, Single Women
by Dr. Ava Cadell
Question: My boyfriend's daughter caught us having sex... only it wasn't just humping sex -- I was tied to the bed, naked, blindfolded with my bra and wearing a Santa Claus hat. And here's the weirdest thing -- my boyfriend was just sitting on the edge of the bed (naked, of course), looking at me squirm on the bed, when all of a sudden his 12-year-old daughter burst into the room. Later, she told her grandma all about it. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend refuses to talk about it, and I've been too embarrassed to go near his daughter, let alone his mother who I just met two weeks ago. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
Answer: I hope you and your boyfriend have learned the valuable lesson of locking the bedroom door the next time you have sex. I’m very disappointed in him for refusing to talk about the fact that his daughter burst in on you. What does he think, that it was your fault? The best scenario would be if he and you sat down with his 12-year-old daughter and explained that you were having some adult playtime together. She’s old enough to understand that adult couples make love. The fact that you were tied to the bed, blindfolded, and wearing a Santa hat may be an image that she’ll remember for a long time, but this is an opportunity for some open, honest talk about human sexuality. Educate her about the pros and cons of sex. Tell her that sex is a precious gift for someone you love. Explain that sex is more than two people making babies. Sex can be fun, playful, and silly. Tell your boyfriend that if he doesn’t talk to you about it, that you are going to talk to his mother and his daughter without him. And then sit him down and insist he watch my seminar, How to Talk to Kids About Love and Sex, so that he learns how to talk with his daughter about what happened.