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Sexual Disorder
Your Sex Life
Sexual Disorder
by Dr. Ava Cadell
I'm sure it is no surprise that more American women (43%, about 40 million) than men (31%) experience some form of sexual disorder. This statistic may be a result of a lack of sexual education that stems back to early civilizations when women believed that sex was not to be enjoyed and only had two purposes: reproduction and pleasuring their man. Obviously that has changed, but there have been some lingering stigmas that continue to haunt our bedrooms today. Getting past these stigmas should be the first order of business to improving our sex lives and how we do that is with education. Approximately 20% of women with female sexual dysfunction suffer from arousal disorder characterized by either a failure of vaginal engorgement/lubrication or an altered appraisal of arousal, and it has been suggested that treatments of female arousal disorder represent a market of similar size to that of erectile dysfunction. As you can see from above, women are not alone. Thirty-one percent of men suffering from some form of sexual issue are not a small amount. And men have to deal with stigmas of their own.
Couples have an advantage when attempting practical solutions to the many issues that can be perceived as sexual dysfunction. Listening to your body and being in tune with your partners' body is crucial. If you are feeling that there is an issue with you or your partner sexually, you are probably right... It is very important not to ignore signals that your body may be giving you. Like if you are experiencing pain during sex, your body shuts down when attempting intercourse, you're leaving sexual encounters feeling unfulfilled, or you are still wondering what your friends are talking about while bragging about this intense pleasurable explosion during sex. Of course being open and honest with one another highly contributes to your sexual connectedness.
Solution 1: Before attempting anything on your own you should seek professional help. Get checked out by a physician, it couldn't hurt- did you know that the very common urinary tract infection (UTI) can effect your arousal? In fact any illness can result in diminished libido.
Solution 2: Engage in intimate activities with one another such as bathing together. Washing each others bodies with soap and water can be very healing and enjoyable while it always helps sexual confidence when you are both feeling clean.
Solution 3: A therapist can help you to reconnect with your partner through a series of exercises called Sensate Focus, originally developed by Masters and Johnson to relieve couples anxiety about sexual intercourse. Couple's can do this at home by taking turns touching each other on non-sexual areas of the body like the hands and face and focusing on the awareness of tactile sensations while touching or being touched.
Solution 4: Learning about how the sexual organs function can promote a healthy positive attitude towards sex. Doing regular Kegel exercises can help a woman to strengthen her support muscles in her genitals and make her more orgasmic. Men can also strengthen their support muscles in their genitals to give them more endurance during intercourse.
Solution 5: Take care of your body by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables; drink plenty of water and exercise! A healthy body makes for a healthy sex life!
Solution 6: Communicate your wants, needs, desires, and fears to your partner. One way is to share a romantic or sexual fantasy. Take turns closing your eyes and imagine yourself in the most sexually exciting situation you can think of. Work your way up to build excitement. It can start with something like "The warm sun is beating down on my naked body as I walk on a sandy beach ... " finish the story. Never be afraid to share your fantasies with the one you love and what ever you do, do not judge your partner.
Above are some solutions for couples that can easily be accomplished with an open mind and heart. Remember "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got," so be willing to step outside your comfort zone and try something new. For a completely new, loving, erotic way to make love, play The Tantric Lovers Game.
If you feel that your issues may go beyond these solutions, there is a therapist in your neighborhood that would be worth contacting. To find a specialist go to: www.aasect.org
Statistics from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders DSM-IV (1994)
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Please check out LU's Male Sexuality Short-Term Course (coming soon) and LU's Female Sexuality Short-Term Course (available now) for more information on sexual disorder.
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