|The Big 'O'
Your Sex Life
In search of the ultimate orgasm
by Dr. Ava Cadell
As humans we are always in search of the ultimate orgasm whether it’s with our soul mate, a one night stand, a bottle of booze, or mind altering drugs. It is our second basic instinct after self-preservation. So why are we seeking that euphoric, mind-blowing, earth shattering, energy melting orgasm? We seek to lose that part of ourselves which connects to the everyday and mundane, and for a brief moment of eternity reach out and feel the all-embracing Karma, the essence of the universe, making, for that one brief moment, our tiny insignificant essence part of a much greater supreme whole. Perhaps therefore, the "ultimate orgasm" is our shorthand for losing the pain and hassle of being human, and seeking to transcend the fleshly prison for one brief instant in which we can float ethereally like gods.
Choose Your Orgasm
There are many different kinds of orgasm that you can experience from stimulation of different parts of your body. Each one will create different kinds of feelings ranging from quick, short, localized, deep, concentrated, to full body orgasms. This is your opportunity to experiment with as many different kinds of orgasm as you can. Remember that orgasm is good for your health so it’s doctors’ orders!
This is an orgasm where stimulation is directed to one primary erogenous zone such as the penis, prostate, testicles, clitoris, G-spot, anus, or nipples. Nipple stimulation for men and women can produce an orgasm, though it’s not as common as some of the other erogenous zones. For women, having their breasts caressed and nipples sucked releases Oxytocin, the chemical that makes them feel like they are in love. Masters and Johnson discovered that one percent of women were able to achieve orgasm from breast stimulation alone. This is an area that many men enjoy stimulating during foreplay, but rarely think of as having orgasmic potential. To give memorable oral sex on her breasts and nipples you need to understand that the size of her breasts have nothing to do with the sensitivity. Ask her if she gets turned on by having her breasts played with. If so, then follow these directions. Begin by caressing and licking both of her breasts, not just her nipples. Alternate each one as you use the flat of your tongue in lapping motions all around her breasts covering every centimeter. Follow your tongue with light fingertip caresses, leaving her nipples until last. When both breasts are suitably wet from your tongue, cup your hand over one breast at a time so that the tip of her nipple rests in between your thumb and your index finger. Squeeze the fingers together so that you raise her nipple slightly, and then begin licking it with the tip of your tongue in circular motions. After about a dozen licks or so, pucker your lips around the nipple and suck gently but firmly; let your head bob up and down simultaneously. To enhance oral nipple sensation, put an ice cube in your mouth while lavishing her orally. Don’t forget to give equal attention to both breasts and nipples. When she is climaxing do not stop or change what you are doing. Let her push you away when she is ready.
For male nipple stimulation, the directions are pretty much the same, except men are more interested in having immediate nipple contact with deeper vacuum sucking motions from the woman- not so much teasing around the nipple area. Some men enjoy having their nipples nibbled on. So ladies, it’s up to you to find out how much pain or pleasure your man wants on his nipples. Some men have one nipple that is more sensitive than the other. While you suck on one, you can pinch the other one and then ask him which one feels most erotic. You could be the first one to introduce him to a UniGasm through his nipples. Now that’s what I call creating a lasting mammary, (I mean memory)!
Many people are experienced with various forms of dual stimulation—a penis and a tongue, a vagina and a tongue a finger and a tongue, and various other combinations. Here are some ideal ways to create two points of stimulation at the same time.
This will be more intense than a UniGasm so it’s worth exploring. It can be licking his testicles while masturbating his penis, sucking on her clitoris while penetrating her anus with a finger (preferably covered with a finger cot), sucking his penis while massaging the testicles, licking her perineum while fingering her vagina, and lets not forget good old fashioned penetration too. Have fun experimenting with different combinations on your lover’s body. Ask for feedback so that you know which combinations are most exciting for you both.
The TriGasm for Her
So, here’s the revolution, the ultimate orgasm—TriGasm. A female TriGasm is the result of arousing 3 points of pleasure, the clitoris, G-spot, and anus simultaneously. Here are some tips for you and your partner as you go off on your TriGasm exploration.
Step 1: The woman should lie back while her partner lavishes her clitoris with oral pleasure until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.
Step 2: Change course and stimulate her vulva (outside of the vagina) in small circles with your tongue for 2 minutes.
Step 3: Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.
Step 4: At this peak, insert your forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.
Step 5: Simultaneously with step four, stimulate her anus gently with a feather, a pinky or a vibrator to bring her to a momentous, energy-draining TriGasm!
The TriGasm for Him
The TriGasm for Men is also the result of stimulating 3 points of pleasure, the penis, the testicles and the anus simultaneously.
Step 1: The man should lie back while his partner lavishes the head of his penis with some good oral suction until he reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.
Step 2: Then use your mouth and tongue to stimulate his testicles for 2 minutes while you masturbate his penis with your hand.
Step 3: Return to the penis orally and increase his level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.
Step 4: At this peak, fondle his testicles as you continue to orally delight his penis and insert your forefinger palm up into his anus to find his prostate gland, then tap, tap, tap it gently.
Step 5: If all goes well, he’ll have an unforgettable, enormous TriGasm!
A blended orgasm is much like the BiGasm with a little twist. The intention for the blended orgasm is to make it last much longer by teasing your lover and stimulating one primary erogenous zone, then teasing another, then going back to the first and so on. Start by choosing your favorite orgasm technique (such as oral stimulation on the clitoris for a woman and oral stimulation on the penis for a guy). Get aroused to a level 6 on your pleasure scale, and then switch to another orgasm technique you enjoy (such as G-spot for a woman and prostate for a guy) and get aroused to a level 7 this time. Switch back to the first technique, raise your arousal level to 8 and then back to the second technique at least three times before reaching a level 10 on your orgasm scale.
This orgasm technique is a wonderful way to monitor your pleasure scale and is most beneficial for men who suffer from premature ejaculation. Whenever they feel like they are about to reach their orgasm, they move their attention to another erogenous zone to distract the point of no return action.
Mind over Body Orgasm
Since the brain is the most erotic organ in the body, it should be no surprise that you can think your way to orgasm. Sexual thoughts can activate the brain just like sexual touching does. If you’ve ever enjoyed looking at porn, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Visuals of people having sex can automatically trigger your body into a state of arousal, making women wet and giving men erections. If you continued to watch erotica without touching yourself, you could still experience a full-blown orgasm. Even if you’re not into porn, you can achieve a mind over body orgasm by tapping into all of your five senses. To begin, wet your genitals with your own saliva or some lubricant, and then using only your imagination, think about what your lover’s tongue would feel like between your legs; what he or she smells like when fully aroused; visualize what they look like naked; imagine touching, kissing, licking and tasting his or her body. Hear them moaning with pleasure. Become aware of your own feelings as you let your excitement build. The trick here is not to touch yourself, but to let the ebb and flow of your orgasm take you on a mental journey to sexual ecstasy. This can also be fun to do with a partner as a safe sex activity.
- Orgasm enables us to surrender complete control
- Orgasm is the best form of escape from reality
- Orgasm is the most natural high
- Orgasm is wired to our brain, not between our legs
- Orgasm gives us indisputable confidence
- Orgasm teaches us to accept who we are
- Orgasm satisfies us physically
- Orgasm satisfies us emotionally
- Orgasm can be a spiritual experience
- Orgasm is addictive
- Orgasm cannot be hurried or pushed by anyone
- Orgasm can unite two lovers into one
If you have never experienced an orgasm you may be suffering from gynecological, hormonal, or even neurological disorders, but more commonly you could have a psychological block such as:
- Traumatic past sexual experience
- Fear of losing control of yourself
- Resentment towards your partner
- Feeling guilty about sex
- Fear of pregnancy
- Fear of intimacy
- Fear of failure
- Fear of rejection
- Ignorance about your bodies responses
- Lack of stimulation
- Low self-esteem and self-worth
- Being too inhibited
- Poor communication
- Unrealistic expectations
To learn more about orgasm, check out LU's Orgasm Short-Term Course.