Dear Dr. Ava

Another Man’s Woman

Question: I am serving time at the Santa Rita [prison] and although I am not pleased about it, all my friends seem to be.  You see, I have this problem.  I’m attracted to other men’s women.  At first, I went after them because I was hurt because my ex-wife had cheated on me, then chose to confess on our honeymoon.  That was 11 years ago.  Now it’s such a bad habit that for the last two years when I meet someone new I tell them straight up that if they introduce me to their wife/girlfriend, and I find her interesting, I’ll make a move on her.  Time and time again I’ve tried to break myself of this habit, but no matter how hard I try, I always seem to find myself in the arms of another man’s woman.  Does this make me a bad man?  Because, to be honest, I enjoy the hell out of it.

Answer: Just because you were hurt, it doesn’t give you the right to go around seeking revenge and hurting people who are innocent that haven’t hurt you.  And don’t try to justify your wrong doing because your ex-wife betrayed you.  I’m sorry that happened, but its time to put it behind you.  What you are doing is satisfying your male ego.  How long can you do that before you don’t have any friends?  If you tell them you are going to make a move on their women, they’ll either dump you as a friend or see you as a joke.  I don’t believe that you are a bad man, but you are someone that has been deeply hurt who wants to get even with the world.  The answer is not to continue hurting people that have never hurt you because in the end you are only really hurting yourself by depriving yourself of true love and intimacy with someone who is available.  Create some closure by forgiving your ex-wife and the man she was unfaithful with.  Celebrate the fact that she is no longer in your life because she wasn’t worthy of your affections.  You can do better and you can fall in love again.  And if all else fails think about the law of the universe, which is that, the wrong that you put out will come back to you.