Dear Dr. Ava

Online Dating

Question: I have been divorced a little over year now after a 14 year marriage.  I am just about ready to start dating and have considered the online approach but I am skeptical.  I have a feeling that this multi-billion dollar business of online dating is most likely replete with scams and false advertising.  For instance, I bet a lot of online dating services take photos of models to spice up their inventory, but they are not real and available singles.  Do you have any good references as to what dating services in the Bay Area are legitimate and have good success rates at matching people?

Answer: Your approach to finding somebody that’s compatible with you is far too limited.  Online dating services are usually reputable because they are in it for the long haul and rely on advertising and word of mouth.  Join a free dating service that has access to people in your area.  I searched for “free dating services in San Francisco” on www.yahoo.com and it came up with a myriad of dating possibilities ranging from Christian dating, Jewish dating, Over 40’s dating, Asian, Black, Hispanic, and so on.  You have nothing to lose and I know for a fact that online dating has many success stories.  You can also write a personal add for the kind of person you are looking for, but make the description as specific as possible so you don’t waste your time or anyone else’s.  Since what you see is what you get, I would also venture out into the real world.  Allocate some social time every day, even if it’s only a half an hour and make an effort to meet new people.  Go to the supermarket with the intention of speaking to at least three women, go to a local coffee house and do the same.  You can even meet women at religious services.  Give them a compliment and introduce yourself.  Dating is a numbers game whether you do it online, in a personal add or directly in person.  The more often you make an approach, the more practice you will have, and practice makes perfect.