Dear Dr. Ava

Relationship Mismatch

Question: My girlfriend is very open and outgoing and that’s one of the qualities I love about her, but sometimes when we’re in large social situations she’ll talk very openly about her sexual experiences with me and even with past boyfriends.  I like that she can be open with me about all her past experiences and about our current sex life, but it makes me uncomfortable when everyone else knows.  I want to talk with her about it but I’m afraid that it is not my place to tell her what she should say in front of her friends or that she will think I disapprove of her personality, which is not the case.  I just don’t feel comfortable when she, and even other people for that matter, talk so explicitly about what they have done in the bedroom and with whom.  Why does she like talking about it so much?  And what can I do to stop her or make myself feel more comfortable?

Answer: It sounds like you’re a lot more introverted than your girlfriend is and no doubt that’s one of the reasons you are together.  Opposites do attract.  Nevertheless, I’m concerned that you’re unable to communicate with her about your feelings.  Don’t be a wimp.  There’s nothing wrong with you being offended when she openly discusses her sexual experiences in front of her friends.  Ask her how she would feel if you talked about your old girlfriends in public.  No man wants to be with a woman that makes him feel uncomfortable, so this relationship isn’t going anywhere right now.  This IS part of her personality and you really can’t change her, but you can let her know how her behavior makes you feel.  Don’t be afraid to confront her about it.  If she becomes defensive and threatens to dump you, let her go because she’s insensitive to your needs.  You are a sensitive guy and until she makes you feel comfortable, there is little hope for this relationship, so you have nothing to lose.  Tell her to curb her gossip or she’s out.