Dear Dr. Ava

Sex in the Family

Question: Do you think it’s immoral for a 20-year-old guy to be having an affair with his 46-year-old aunt?  God, I hope not, because I’m having the time of my life!  We first hooked up about eight months ago.  We meet about once or twice a week and it’s strictly just sex.  She is currently separated from her husband and she doesn’t have any kids, so I don’t see any other family conflicts except for the fact that she’s my mom’s sister.  Do you think this is something I should continue if we both remain discreet?

Answer: It’s not immoral sexually since you are an adult.  The fact that you’ve chosen to have sex with an older woman you desire, is not uncommon.  It’s called tadpoling and can be very exciting.  So the age difference is not the issue.  It is that you are gambling with your mother’s emotions that concerns me.  If you feel that this would cause serious emotional damage to your mother and you love her and don’t want to hurt her, then the answer is obvious.  If you think that this intense sexual relationship will go on undetected until it cools off, then I recommend serious discretion.  But the longer it goes on the greater the chances are of you both being discovered.  Would you really like to face the consequences of that?