Dear Dr. Ava
Questions from Married Men by Dr. Ava Cadell
Question: I've been married for 15 years. For 15 years my wife has been completely cold towards me. If I start to touch her, she turns or walks away. I'm always the last item on her menu, and she has time for everyone else but me. The reality is I don’t think that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I need to be around someone that acknowledges my presence and on occasion will have sex with me. Seeing you on the news tonight, confirmed there are women out there that care about men. You made it sound like it is possible to fall in love and have sex with more than just your soul mate. I thought my wife was my soul mate but now I wonder if I made a mistake. Sex used to be good before we were married but now it’s nonexistent. I haven’t had a blowjob in 15 years. I’ve thought of seeking sexual gratification from prostitutes but am scared I might catch something. So this is my dilemma: how can I get my wife to notice that I’m alive? How can I get her to have sex with me again?
Answer: You have some options here. One is to communicate your needs to her and express how you feel. The second is to do nothing, in which case, nothing will change. The third is to try a program that I developed for couples which is guaranteed to rekindle passion (as long as both people agree and have the desire). It's called Passion Power. It consists of 6 one-hour audio cassettes and a 100 page work book which I call love-work because it will improve communication, enhance intimacy, and expand your sexual horizon. If you are interested, it's under $100 and well worth the investment for your relationship. It's also cheaper than going to a therapist or marriage counselor and is a hell of a lot cheaper than going to a prostitute. Finally, your last option is to move on. My motto is, “if the good still outweighs the bad, then do whatever it takes to make it work.” It’s your choice to know when to hold them and when to fold them.