Tantric Solution for Couple with Sexual Dysfunction by Dr. Ava Cadell
Case Report:
Emily, a woman age 37, married for three years suffering from vaginal pain during intercourse. She could not specify when the pain first started, but said that it was getting progressively worse. Emily has been examined by her gynecologist who found no physical evidence such as vaginitis, Vaginismus, vaginal agenesis or cysts to support her pain. His diagnosis was that Emily’s pain was psychological.
Solution:
Not convinced that her pain was psychological, Emily worked with a physical therapist to eradicate the pain through muscle strengthening techniques such as Kegel exercises bio-feedback and muscle stretching. The PT massaged her pelvic area and thigh muscles to relax the whole area and encouraged Emily to use her own fingers to stretch the vaginal muscles. After six months, Emily was still experiencing pain during sexual intercourse with her husband.
As a last resort, she contacted my office to make an appointment. I suggested that Emily bring her husband, Ryan to the session because I find it helpful to observe the verbal interaction and body language of couples I am counseling. Besides, her problem did affect their relationship and he should be part of the solution process.
After they filled out a questionnaire, we discussed the basic strengths and weaknesses in their relationship, I asked them both what they would like to improve the most. Emily said that apart from wanting to overcome the pain and discomfort during intercourse, she wanted more romance and intimacy and Ryan said that he wanted more physical contact including sex. Fortunately their strengths included the fact that they were best friends and would do anything to make the marriage work. Unfortunately, one of their weaknesses was a lack of open and honest communication. Consequently, they were expecting their partner to read their minds.
The good news was that they were perfect candidates for my Tantric Lover’s program. Tantra has been around for over 5000 years and it’s still around, so there must be value to it. We are having a resurgence of Tantric practices now because people are looking for natural and spiritual ways of healing. Tantra can help to heal a hurt relationship; it can break down defensive walls, improve intimate communication and enhance a relationship that has lost its sizzle and spice. For women, Tantra can empower and fulfill their sensual needs, for men it can open up a whole new world to intimacy and it can give them the tools to become multi-orgasmic. For couples it's an opportunity to create a more meaningful and intimate connection.
I first described the six elements of Tantra; Breath, Movement, Sound, Muscle Lock, Intention and Attention, then customized exercises for them from each element.
- Breath; part of our breath goes to our lungs, however the life force (Prana) contained in that breath can be directed by the mind to any part of our body. I taught Emily how to breathe from and into her sexual organs. By focusing full attention into the area of dysfunction, breath can regulate and relax the whole body bringing more blood flow and lymph circulation so that it can heal. In Tantra we learn to slow down the breath and hold it a while before exhaling in order to really absorb all the Prana. Breathing is the key to greater health and vitality.
- Movement; the healing energy of touch can decrease blood pressure and heart rate, support blood flow and sensory awareness. I encouraged Emily and Ryan to do some Sensate Focus exercises on each others hands and face. Emily was able to experience receiving touch without any sexual agenda.
- Sound; vibrations expand blood vessels, decrease pain and can heal mind, body soul. Entraining is two people making the same sound together synchronizing their energy. Before long, I had them releasing sounds, humming and laughing together.
- Muscle Lock; releases blocked energy, restores muscle tone, increases blood flow and orgasmic awareness to the genitals. Emily closed her eyes, inhaled and squeezed her PC muscle, holding it and then exhaled as she released while Ryan read a script to help her visualize the gentle opening of her vagina.
- Intention; was to relax thereby releasing stress hormones. For Ryan this was a challenge because he was goal oriented, but he learned that without intention there is no focus or follow through. I asked them to create an intention circle, discard unwanted behaviors and bring in new ones that would lead to a higher level of intimacy for them.
- Attention; is the follow through to Intention because where the attention goes, energy flows. I had Emily and Ryan put their prominent hand on each others heart while eye-gazing and breathing in synchronicity. He then asked her if he could look into her soul by looking into her eyes and told her what he saw. They were connecting mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually and the emotional support from Ryan created trust, soothed her nerves and allowed her to surrender to him.
Outcome:
I believe that my success was working with both Emily and her husband Ryan. During my work with the couple, I discovered that they did have a mismatched sex drive and that Emily felt like she was under constant pressure to have sex. Eventually, she just clamped up and so did her sexual organs as a form of defense.
Understanding the Intention of all the Tantric exercises was the breakthrough moment for them. When they learned how to intentionally shift their focus to positive emotions using all of their senses, putting each others wellbeing first, Emily’s entire mind and body relaxed and the stress-reducing effects were immediate.
A week later, Emily called to let me know that Ryan was enjoying the journey as much as the destination and to her delight, he was being more romantic and sensual. During sexual intercourse, she did not experience the kind of pain that she had before. On a scale of 1 to 10, her discomfort level was now between a 1 and a 2 instead of an 8 or higher.
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