The Appeal of Cyber-sex

The Appeal of Cyber-sex by Dr. Ava Cadell

"When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." -- Albert Einstein.  He was a man who truly appreciated "fantasy" -- a word which conjures up images as unique as the mind which nurtures them.  Fantasies are the single defining element in a multi- billion dollar sex industry.  Fantasies banish fear while promoting expression...They are free, easy, and limitless.  As a result, real life usually pales in comparison.  So are fantasies a good thing?  Do they really have purpose beyond ensuring a more rapid orgasm?  For many, fantasies bridge the gap intimacy issues might have created over the years.  An example might be the phenomenon of finding that at times it’s easier to speak openly to a complete stranger about something troubling or intensely personal than to confess such concerns to a loved one.  Sadly, because of our sensitivity to the reaction of loved ones or perhaps a tendency to allow the distractions of daily life to mask our needs, the person closest to us may never know our deepest secrets or desires.  Yet the undeniable reality of the "unspeakable" continues, and individuals persist in their quest for safe expression of said "dark demons."  Thus the advent of the Internet in the early 1990's immediately embraced by a global network of curious souls; the Internet embarked on a skyward climb, fueled by voracious consumers intent on exploring all variety of communication.  On the heels of a dark sexual age steeped in the fear of AIDS and all manner of STD's, society was looking to express sexually and the Internet was the perfect forum.  Conceivably aided by the anonymous medium, the public's demand for sexual menus on the Internet was met and continues to expand.

There are the ever-popular "cyber-romance" chat rooms, where those in cyberspace, either as themselves or pretending to be someone else, role-play for the fun of it.  Nutty screen names denote wild personalities and offer revealing character insights.  In all aspects of the cyber-romance scene, parties involved are consenting to be in the same space, with no monetary incentive.  There are also chat rooms where people are looking for "true love"...essentially personal ads.  As with traditional personal ads, there are pros and cons to this scenario.  While it allows people to speak candidly and without fear of recrimination about their most basic needs, it can be - and often is - an elaborate "web" of deceit.  Worse case scenarios have involved children, such as the luring of a child out of state by someone with criminal intent.  One can be entrapped, as there is never any clear indication of who - gender, race, or age - is on the screen.

For the most part, what seems to occur on-line is innocent, even though temperatures often soar due to the explicit written interaction.  Most would agree with Howard Stern that it is the best place to service a "boner," but this then brings questions of infidelity to the fore.  Many wonder about "cheating," and whether masturbating with a keyboard is or not.  Factually, cheating is entirely subjective.  Some women will accuse their mate of being unfaithful for looking at a copy of Penthouse, while others readily accompany their betrothed to a strip-joint.  Probably the best bet is to discuss the topic openly with your mate and agree on a definition and some boundaries that work for both of you.  Once that is established, the world of cyber-sex awaits.  For those solely interested in sex on the Internet (which seems to be a sizable segment of cybernet users) there are a plethora of adults-only rooms where one can interact with lots of people at once - something of a cyber-orgy.  Of course, there are countless opportunities for one-on-one private chats.  These can be an exciting way to express inner fantasies, as the element of slowness - due to writing rather than talking - prolongs each erotic encounter.

As a result of such phenomenal popularity and increasing demand, cyber-porn has exploded into a multi-billion dollar business.  These "virtual realities" - some of which feature live pictures of your cyber-buddy - do not come cheaply.  Most current cyber-sex sites can be accessed for free, while others charge for entry.  As with any stress-reducing behavior, Internet use - specifically cyber-porn - can become addictive.  Additionally, if you never meet the love of your life, and had expected to in some romance chat-room, this venue can be very frustrating.  Most often the best solution is to apply the principles one might use with liquor or dessert: MODERATION.  While I personally find the Internet to be a positive forum for sexual exploration and personal expression, its assets should not be restricted to individual use.  After all, if you find something that excites you - such as bondage - yet feel compelled to hide it from your spouse, you run the significant danger of creating an intimacy roadblock which will ignite a spiral of alienation.  It is important to remember that as wonderful and exciting as the Internet can be, people obviously have more erotic capacity than mere machines and there is no substitute for the warm flesh and subtle scent unique to your real-life lover or role-playing partner.

Statistics show that people who spend much of their time in cyberspace are lonelier and suffer from depression more than non-cyber-users.  Abuse of Internet facilities also reduce human contact with their family and friends...obviously not a good formula for true happiness.  About 10% of my clients are currently being treated for cyber-sex addiction.  Therefore I suggest that for partners in an open and honest relationship, use of the Internet offers a safe and erotic way to simultaneously deepen awareness of each other's needs while enhancing intimacy.  This keeps the Internet in its best sexual context: as an additive - not as a substitute - to a happy, fulfilling sex life.  It is there to be accessed when appropriate, turned off after serving it's purpose.  After all, cyber-sex is simply a form of entertainment, an alternative to Playboy Magazine or an erotic movie.  It's a most convenient outlet for your most erotic organ - your mind - and allows the imagination to embark on a roller-coaster ride.  For these and many more reasons, I suggest everyone dabble in a little cyber-play, if only to experience the uniqueness.  Any means that brings people closer together are to be applauded.  So give one click, and one click more!  I'd love to hear your comments about Cyber-sex and Cheating.  Click the "discuss this article" icon below.