Sex Addiction by Dr. Ava Cadell
Q & A
Question:I'm a 35-year-old male in a relationship with a woman for three years. We have sex a LOT. She mentioned the other day that she thinks we're sexaholics. My question: How can one tell if they're a sexaholic? I mean, I really, really like sex and will have sex with my partner as much as possible, sometimes to the point of us both being really sore. But I don't like the term "sexaholic" much because, let's face it, it's not a compliment.
Answer: A sexaholic is someone that has a compulsive sexual disorder and can’t control him or herself. Here are the symptoms of a sexaholic:
- Do you think about sex so often that it interferes with your concentration?
- Are you obsessed with a specific person or sexual act even though it brings you cravings and discomfort?
- Are you finding your sexual pursuits affecting your ability to manage your life?
- Do you HAVE to flirt?
- Do you feel you are entitled to sex?
- Would life have no meaning without sex?
- Do you think that sex is the only thing that really gives you value?
- Do you use sex as an escape from other problems or stress?
- Have you ever had better sex with someone you really didn't want?
- Do you keep a list of the partners you have been with?
- Do you need the "high" that the dangerous sex and the risk of being caught can promise?
If your answer to all these questions is "yes," then you are a sex addict and suffer from sexual compulsion. Somehow, I don’t think you and your girlfriend fit into that category. Enjoy the close and active relationship that you have and make it even better by playing The Tantric Lover’s Game. Surprise yourselves with the new things this game will teach you to do.
Causes of Sexual Addiction Include:
- Psychological and emotional disorders such as paranoia.
- Childhood trauma such as rape.
- Bipolar disorder.
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
- Neurological disorders such as epilepsy
- Hereditary. One study found that 80% of recovering sex addicts reported some type of addiction in their family’s origin.
- Sexual Abuse. Another study showed at 82% of sex addicts reported being sexually abused as children.
- Biochemical abnormality. The brain tells the sex addict that having illicit sex is good the same way it tells over-eaters that over eating is good. The addicted brain fools the body by producing intense biochemical rewards (levels of PEA phenylethylamine) that boost euphoria for self-destructive behavior.
- Stress can play a part in fueling compulsive sexual behavior.
- Escapism is using sex as an activity or a substance to avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings that need to be faced.
- Abusing power and feeding the ego to control others sexually is common in high places
- Dependent personality disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Impulse control disorder
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There are Three-Stage Progressions in Becoming Addicted:
- In the first stage, the person actually believes that his or her addiction is healthy, normal, and pleasurable.
- In the second stage, the person has conflicting thoughts about whether or not the addiction is healthy, normal, and pleasurable.
- In the third stage, the person realizes that they are addicted and feels unhealthy, abnormal, and more pain than pleasure, yet he or she maintains and feeds the addiction.
These methods include: a commitment to abstinence, defining your own sobriety, rebuilding relationships, managing stress, self-judgment, avoidance behaviors, replacement behaviors, a therapeutic environment, a thorough assessment, a group process, sex education, self/peer assessment, addressing lack of intimate relationships, making beneficial changes to the way you conduct intimate relationships, and how to make stopping a positive experience.
All of these methods are legitimate and have worked for myriad of people, but not for everyone. Each person is unique and needs to follow a custom plan of action to help them overcome their sexual addiction caused by their circumstances.
I call my approach, Practical & Tantric Solutions to Sexual Healing:
Tantra has been around for over 5000 years and it’s still around, so it must have some value to it. We are having a resurgence of it now because people are looking for natural and spiritual ways of healing. You have to open up to your emotional and sensory feelings when learning Tantra. Through Tantra you can begin the journey of sexual healing, the deepest form of healing which includes forgiveness of self and others, reconnecting with yourself, letting love in, and creating your own healthy love life. Meditation is part of this powerful program and is used with the intention of reaching altered states of awareness. Tantra is a spiritual form of self-express and lovemaking that can show a sexually addicted person a new healthy way to give and receive love.
For an introduction to Tantra, read my Tantra Workbook and discover a journey to sexual enlightenment that will take your relationship to a higher level of intimacy. Find out how to energize your Chakras with unique exercises to balance your mind, body and spirit. Learn exclusive heart-to-heart connections exercises and the 10 keys to Tantric Bliss.